Turn Offs

It is true that Men and Women are from different planets. Despite the thousands of years these different species have coexisted, there still seem to be some misunderstandings. Lately I have been trying to figure out how to be a great partner to my boyfriend. I am trying to understand him, being patient with him, but am not so sure if he is doing the same. Don't get me wrong, we love each other so much, but just the fact that we can not agree on everything due to our differences in so many angles, there have been incidents when he drives me nuts, and I am sure I drive him crazy as well. The thought that made me want to share this today is the fact that; men and women haven't been honest with each other. And when one tries to be honest the other party will think they are being manipulated or treated not fairly or otherwise, but that is never the case. At least to those that love each other, they would take criticism with love. I would like to share personal feelings about the things that turn me off. Am not only talking about sexually, but all the mood turn offs in a relationship. 1. When I try to be romantic, send him a cute message not because there is anything I want but just to show him that I am thinking about him and he doesn't do anything, not even send a smiley face to show appreciation; or if I walk behind him and get my hands under his shirt and he pretends as if he didn't feel a thing. 2. All work no play - a guy who is always on his phone, computer, tablet with school or work. A guy who is always in a rush to get things at work done and forgets to spend time with me, I'd say he is not that much into me than in his work/school. 3. Sometimes you wonder why most men are not romantic. The little things that make women happy; like flowers, little random gifts (doesn't have to be expensive), a romantic dinner date, a walk at midnight, a treat at the spa, etc, they dont seem to register in most men unless it is anniversary, birthday or if they are apologizing for something. These are the little things that kill the romance in relationships. 4. Listening - when a guy is not paying attention to what you are saying. Or doesn't seem interested in your goals its like going in a boxing ring or on a soccer field without a coach or cheerleaders and be expected to score. Guys who can't remember what you said yesterday especially on important issues, can't be good partners. 5. If he doesn't respect, love or care for his mom and/or sisters or female relatives, he can't respect you - Run! 6. And then when he is always about his Mom and sometimes forget about you, then he is still a child. Mamas are sweet. They deserve to be rewarded for the great work they have done to us, but a guy who goes shopping with his Mom, without his girl around; a guy who spends more time on the phone or with his Mom that he does with his girl, he is still a child - Girls, Run. 7. A sign that a guy wants to be with you. He is not afraid or ashamed of taking you to meet his friends. If you don't know his friends, you are just another girl. Don't waste your time, he's is not worth it. I am sure each one of us have so many things we feel they turn us off. Guys too. To some guys I know these few below turn them off.... 1. Too much nagging. Some guys know that women get too emotional and they whine a lot. Then there is whining and nagging. Guys will just want to run away and hide, no wonder these days when people are buying/building homes, men want a "man cave" just so they can run away from the nagging - Just quit it girls. 2. Too much make up and the fake "everything". Men would like to see a natural woman not a barbie doll. They would want to smell the real scent of you, of course, not the bad ones, take time to clean up and groom , a good looking woman will keep her man from wondering whats in other skirts. 3. A not God-fearing woman is just a mess, guys I know will not want to associate with her. The same with a woman who behaves unlady-like. Drinking alcohol as if he is a member of a gang, smoking, mouthy women, turn guys off Keep trying to be the best you can be. Noone is perfect. But with our imperfections, love gets stronger. Enjoy each other's company by all means. Love Naghaba3

"I Dated that Douche...."

You know those moments in your life you sit down and think "what was I thinking"? Yes, we've all been there with our different reasons. Mine is kind of familiar. I have been trying to get back into the dating world after a couple of years off. Then I thought, maybe I can date online and give myself time to recover and at the same time try to come to terms with what had happened for me to take some time off. And is just so happens that I meet the bad guys, maybe except one, but this post is for one particular jerk who lied to me and has lied to many girls I suppose. Unfortunately this guy is a brother to one of my friends. I knew this guy when I was in high-school and his brother too, so to me, I thought I could just be friends with him considering his brother's friendship with me. Then I started liking him. He lured me into believing that his relationship was on a shaky ground and with my personal conviction that all I want is to be friends with him, I respected his situation and even helped to make things work for his relationship. Then things started turning the other way, we became more than just friends, the connection we shared, we both knew there was some chemistry between us. Then I started to hear that he wasn't actually fighting with his girlfriend like he claimed. At that moment I made up my mind to give him a chance to tell me the truth himself, but every time I ask about the issue, he could get very defensive and accusing me of not trusting him, does that sound familiar to you? Yes, "they all do, right"? Well, the lies continued for some more months and he believed me even though I was trying not to show him that I was angry and at that point, my love had died with the lies. I was ok, doing my own things, I in fact had moved on but since I wanted to be friends with this guy, I kept on talking to him, I told myself he will tell me the truth . I understood his situation, but with him, I don't know..... Then few months down the line, I heard that the girlfriend is pregnant, he still had the nerve to deny it when I asked him. Shaking my head!! We had regular fights because I knew that he was lying, but I wanted him to admit one way or another, but No, he never did. Until the baby was born at this point I had ruled him out of my life (of course). Here is where the jerk part is. He comes back to me after few months, and ask me if I can take him back and accept his baby - how stupid is that? This guy is a well known citizen of my homeland, I wonder how he does his job. How many lies he has told to his friends or family or people who listen to him.......Some of us we learn the hard way, this is just to help someone out there who might fall victim of such douche backs. Be smart! Am lucky he never got his dirty hands on me!

"Lets talk Money"

"Lets talk Money", a friend of mine greeted me with that line today. Growing up in Malawi, we have traditions, well, at least my family didn't get to see most of the common traditions. We grow up with the concept that men are the heads of household. They get to work and provide for the family, the woman usually doesn't provide financially for the family. A few women (Mothers and daughters) could have access to family finances. Do you think something like this might have affected the way most people handle money now (as adults)? Think of other countries that provide jobs for high school kids and young college students to work while going to school? I believe the kids who grow up with the idea of how to make money and be able to manage their own finances stand a better chance at succeeding in life than those who wait to finish college and get a job and live on their own. On the same note, the opportunities of prospering while we are still young is limited because we stay at our parents' houses for so long and we become lazy and irresponsible and when the responsibilities of life come up, we fail to deliver and redeem ourselves from the hardships that our parents fought for us.

I see this as being harder when it comes to women. Dependence on men often make us lazy and spoiled. We think we cannot do some things that men do. This for instance, move out of your parents house when you turn eighteen. In my country, where there are really no jobs for eighteen year olds, its a taboo just for the thought of it. Even your Mom is going to ask you, how do you plan to pay the rent? Who are going to live with? On the contrary, the western world can't usually wait for their kids to turn eighteen so they can get their own place and be independent. If there were opportunities in Malawi that could provide the means to younger people to be independent at an early age, how many could utilize them? Would it be a matter of culture, or would the perception change that kids just want to grow up? Just wondering!!

I believe if the opportunities were there to allow women and even men, to get access to money, and be able to manage their own finances, a lot of people wouldn't be facing the problems they are facing now. If, say, you got a job when you were fifteen, you live in your parents house but saving for college or furniture for your own place once you turn eighteen, imagine how many people could have a savings account with money in it. I know some friends who never even have a bank account until they graduated college. How can someone manage an account and be able to invest at the same time when they don't know how to handle money in the first place.

Coming to that note, I want to know if people know the difference between income and wealth. What do you strive for in life? Is it more income? or is it more wealth?
Will take it from here next time....this was too broad, I will be narrowing down the Money issue little by little

The Invitation - Oriah Mountain Perspective

The Invitation – Oriah Mountain Dreamer Perspective

It doesn’t matter where you are from I want to know if you can leave all you loved for the search of peace and future independence

It matters that you tell me the truth no matter how bad the consequences. I want to know from you and not from that person you talked to before me.
It is also important that you trust me for me to trust you and it may be hard sometimes for me to, but I always will stick to my word

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know much about me, I want to know what you want from
me then I will be able to tell you about myself
Assumptions and thinking you know me more than I do myself is just a way of chasing me away from you. I want you to know me as me and not as how others see me

I want to know if you can live with strangers and still find your own happiness. I want to know if there is room for forgiveness when someone wrongs you. I want to know what hope means to you. I want to know if second chances exist in your life

I want to know if you can still smile when you are hurting after the loss of a loved one just because there is no one to hold on to but yourself. I want to know if you can still stand after so many obstacles drag you to the ground

It is alright to get angry but do you stay mad at something that can be easily forgotten? I want to know if friends and family are a value in your life

I want to know what defines you for the purpose of association and reason to live
It doesn’t matter to me how much wealth you have, but what you do with it and if you realize that everyone has a price regardless of what they own and that you are able to take a part in impacting in their lives understanding that your actions will sooner or later impact you or generations to come

I am From

I am From.....

I am from the fresh waters that habitats the fresh tilapia in the world
I am from the third and fifth largest mountains in Africa
I am from tea, coffee, sugar and tobacco growers
I am from happy, ever smiling faces

I am from where you can feel welcome walking on the streets in town
From the hardworking and compassionate people
I am from Safaris and wild life and beautiful ever green forests
I am from a small country with millions of people and mixed cultures

I am from big families and herds of cows and goats for dowry
I am from church going and dining table for supper
Huge weddings and funerals that invite the whole town and/or village
I am from a lot of friends and blood is thicker than water concepts

I am from “technically” two seasons, not including snow of course
I am from meats and beer and dancing
Sweet fruits with the tropical taste and corn for staple food
I am from the Warm Heart of Africa - Malawi

Will You Marry Me?

Hello my dear friends,

Today I have come with a question mainly to men. The question can also apply to women to some extent, but I would like to research more on mens' side.
I have been wondering when it comes to popping the question, "will you marry me?" It is so obvious that the question comes generally from men which I, personally, am fine with. But my question is, when is the right time for men to pop that question? Do we, women, have to ask the men when they can put a ring on our finger, or we just have to wait for them and when they are ready they will ask us? Or, do men need to be told when the right time is, "because they never are ready"? It is funny I know, how guys differ on the matter. Some say that if women don't keep on asking, it means they (women) are not serious with the relationship, and some say that, women should just let them be, when they are ready they will pop the question. I haven't found the right answer yet but I feel like it doesn't matter who pushes for the engagement, as long as the two people are ready and love each other, but how can you tell that your friend is ready or not? It is all up to the two individuals I suppose. Who ever is ready can start the ball rolling but that doesn't mean that when a girl asks when you gonna propose she is being pushy or she is desperate, maybe she thinks that by doing so will help both of you keep the relationship or avoid other temptations.
To girls; it is sometimes, however, the right thing to let the guys decide "when" by themselves, unless maybe you have dated for years then you would want to know if the thing will ever come to a serious commitment. And men, I think, sometimes, it is not safe to date for so long; when you know, you just know, so just face it and propose to that girl, after all, no one is perfect, what ever you are waiting to see in your partner, you can as well let them know what you expect them to do and cut the chase - well, this whole issue does not apply to cohabiting couples.

Look out for another article next week
You can ask me questions on what my opinion is on other issues too - Economic, Politics, Religious, Relationships, Culture and the like....

Past life and Relationships

I was talking to one of my friend some few months ago, when he started telling me what he is going through in his relationship with a girl he loves now. He has been struggling with trust and keeping secrets in his relationship. I have seen this kind of situation in many friends and myself too.
Michael is a young man in his mid 20s who has had what we call “a wonderful” youthful life. When he was in high school and college, Michael made sure that the whole campus knows that there was Michael. He had partied and used beer to the tops and probably used illegal herbs and drugs. But all that was back then, when there was time and friends and childhood – if I may call it. We all know that when we are in College, in our late teen years and early twenties, we do what pleases us at that particular moment and we justify our acts by blaming stressful classes and peer pressure. Then we take that as a license to have so many sex partners and whatever we do. But who hasn’t done anything like this? I mean one or two mentioned here, or perhaps all of these. The people most affected with these acts are guys. Well, I think you are wondering where this issue is going. Michael (with his past like that), he has found a new girlfriend and he is considering settling down. Because of his past, he is (I would say) scared or maybe shy to tell his new sweetheart for fear that she may not take past “sins”. After dating the girl for some months, Michael’s girl has started to hear so many stories about Michael’s past life. The question is; should Michael explain to his girl about his past life no matter how bad his life had been? Or should he let the girl go because there seem to be no trust anymore from the girl? Maybe Michael can just forget about this relationship, maybe he should just start a new life with a stranger who doesn’t know about his past and try his best to be the best boyfriend now and bury all his past “sins”.
There are so many of us out there with a life like Michael’s. So many people know our stories from college and high school. When it comes to guys, this becomes a big issue when they want to pursue a girl for marriage. I once was faced with a similar situation. A guy a lot of people knew as a “bad guy” because of the way he used to drink and sleep around in college, told me that he has changed and I believed him, I still do. But how many people from my college will associate me with a guy like that even if I say that he has changed? Probably none. Michael realize that his life has not been a good one, but how many have lived a perfect life through and through in this millennium? We all have messed up in one way or another. There are other people who say that they have lived a clean life but am sure that s between them and their God and no one can argue with them.
I believe that if Michael was strong enough in the beginning of his relationship to tell his girlfriend about his past life, it could not have been hard for this girl to understand. It can be hard yes depending on how bad or rather worse somebody’s life has been and to take that person into your life. It is like taking a worn out cloth on you. Yes it hurts. But I believe that with love, nothing matters, not even what people say. I believe that If Michael had told his girl about his past life, the girl could have swallowed the bitter pill with flavored water than now that she is swallowing it with plain water because the story is coming from a rival who not only has hatred, but also is jealous of her. And the issue could also have lightened Michael’s heart and unburdened him of the “secrets” weight he is carrying.
I asked Michael, “if you walk out of the relationship for a new one, how long are you going to run away from your problems?” Then I told him to face the girl and talk this issue out no matter how bad his life had been, or how “sinful” it may sound in the ears of other people.
This applies to guys too. Some girls that we know or meet in our lives have done things that we may not want to hear about. But here is my opinion. Think of them as your own brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces and nephews. Girls, give these guys a chance, the same with guys. If we look at somebody’s past life, it does not mean that they are bad people or reckless or anything related to that, sometimes we do what we do for fun, and sometimes people do what they do to forget some worries or something similar to that.
Michael is not my friend’s name, I made it up for the story.
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