"I Dated that Douche...."

You know those moments in your life you sit down and think "what was I thinking"? Yes, we've all been there with our different reasons. Mine is kind of familiar. I have been trying to get back into the dating world after a couple of years off. Then I thought, maybe I can date online and give myself time to recover and at the same time try to come to terms with what had happened for me to take some time off. And is just so happens that I meet the bad guys, maybe except one, but this post is for one particular jerk who lied to me and has lied to many girls I suppose. Unfortunately this guy is a brother to one of my friends. I knew this guy when I was in high-school and his brother too, so to me, I thought I could just be friends with him considering his brother's friendship with me. Then I started liking him. He lured me into believing that his relationship was on a shaky ground and with my personal conviction that all I want is to be friends with him, I respected his situation and even helped to make things work for his relationship. Then things started turning the other way, we became more than just friends, the connection we shared, we both knew there was some chemistry between us. Then I started to hear that he wasn't actually fighting with his girlfriend like he claimed. At that moment I made up my mind to give him a chance to tell me the truth himself, but every time I ask about the issue, he could get very defensive and accusing me of not trusting him, does that sound familiar to you? Yes, "they all do, right"? Well, the lies continued for some more months and he believed me even though I was trying not to show him that I was angry and at that point, my love had died with the lies. I was ok, doing my own things, I in fact had moved on but since I wanted to be friends with this guy, I kept on talking to him, I told myself he will tell me the truth . I understood his situation, but with him, I don't know..... Then few months down the line, I heard that the girlfriend is pregnant, he still had the nerve to deny it when I asked him. Shaking my head!! We had regular fights because I knew that he was lying, but I wanted him to admit one way or another, but No, he never did. Until the baby was born at this point I had ruled him out of my life (of course). Here is where the jerk part is. He comes back to me after few months, and ask me if I can take him back and accept his baby - how stupid is that? This guy is a well known citizen of my homeland, I wonder how he does his job. How many lies he has told to his friends or family or people who listen to him.......Some of us we learn the hard way, this is just to help someone out there who might fall victim of such douche backs. Be smart! Am lucky he never got his dirty hands on me!

"Lets talk Money"

"Lets talk Money", a friend of mine greeted me with that line today. Growing up in Malawi, we have traditions, well, at least my family didn't get to see most of the common traditions. We grow up with the concept that men are the heads of household. They get to work and provide for the family, the woman usually doesn't provide financially for the family. A few women (Mothers and daughters) could have access to family finances. Do you think something like this might have affected the way most people handle money now (as adults)? Think of other countries that provide jobs for high school kids and young college students to work while going to school? I believe the kids who grow up with the idea of how to make money and be able to manage their own finances stand a better chance at succeeding in life than those who wait to finish college and get a job and live on their own. On the same note, the opportunities of prospering while we are still young is limited because we stay at our parents' houses for so long and we become lazy and irresponsible and when the responsibilities of life come up, we fail to deliver and redeem ourselves from the hardships that our parents fought for us.

I see this as being harder when it comes to women. Dependence on men often make us lazy and spoiled. We think we cannot do some things that men do. This for instance, move out of your parents house when you turn eighteen. In my country, where there are really no jobs for eighteen year olds, its a taboo just for the thought of it. Even your Mom is going to ask you, how do you plan to pay the rent? Who are going to live with? On the contrary, the western world can't usually wait for their kids to turn eighteen so they can get their own place and be independent. If there were opportunities in Malawi that could provide the means to younger people to be independent at an early age, how many could utilize them? Would it be a matter of culture, or would the perception change that kids just want to grow up? Just wondering!!

I believe if the opportunities were there to allow women and even men, to get access to money, and be able to manage their own finances, a lot of people wouldn't be facing the problems they are facing now. If, say, you got a job when you were fifteen, you live in your parents house but saving for college or furniture for your own place once you turn eighteen, imagine how many people could have a savings account with money in it. I know some friends who never even have a bank account until they graduated college. How can someone manage an account and be able to invest at the same time when they don't know how to handle money in the first place.

Coming to that note, I want to know if people know the difference between income and wealth. What do you strive for in life? Is it more income? or is it more wealth?
Will take it from here next time....this was too broad, I will be narrowing down the Money issue little by little

The Invitation - Oriah Mountain Perspective

The Invitation – Oriah Mountain Dreamer Perspective

It doesn’t matter where you are from I want to know if you can leave all you loved for the search of peace and future independence

It matters that you tell me the truth no matter how bad the consequences. I want to know from you and not from that person you talked to before me.
It is also important that you trust me for me to trust you and it may be hard sometimes for me to, but I always will stick to my word

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know much about me, I want to know what you want from
me then I will be able to tell you about myself
Assumptions and thinking you know me more than I do myself is just a way of chasing me away from you. I want you to know me as me and not as how others see me

I want to know if you can live with strangers and still find your own happiness. I want to know if there is room for forgiveness when someone wrongs you. I want to know what hope means to you. I want to know if second chances exist in your life

I want to know if you can still smile when you are hurting after the loss of a loved one just because there is no one to hold on to but yourself. I want to know if you can still stand after so many obstacles drag you to the ground

It is alright to get angry but do you stay mad at something that can be easily forgotten? I want to know if friends and family are a value in your life

I want to know what defines you for the purpose of association and reason to live
It doesn’t matter to me how much wealth you have, but what you do with it and if you realize that everyone has a price regardless of what they own and that you are able to take a part in impacting in their lives understanding that your actions will sooner or later impact you or generations to come

I am From

I am From.....

I am from the fresh waters that habitats the fresh tilapia in the world
I am from the third and fifth largest mountains in Africa
I am from tea, coffee, sugar and tobacco growers
I am from happy, ever smiling faces

I am from where you can feel welcome walking on the streets in town
From the hardworking and compassionate people
I am from Safaris and wild life and beautiful ever green forests
I am from a small country with millions of people and mixed cultures

I am from big families and herds of cows and goats for dowry
I am from church going and dining table for supper
Huge weddings and funerals that invite the whole town and/or village
I am from a lot of friends and blood is thicker than water concepts

I am from “technically” two seasons, not including snow of course
I am from meats and beer and dancing
Sweet fruits with the tropical taste and corn for staple food
I am from the Warm Heart of Africa - Malawi